Sunday, August 8, 2010

A Simple Misunderstanding

It was a day that wasn't quite the norm. I actually got to sleep in. The Hubby had to go to a commitment that morning, so he popped his head in the bedroom, gave a few updates and left. Needless to say, in my groggy state I took what he said and interpreted it differently than intended. I sleepily crawled out of bed.

For the next 2 hours, my irritation with the situation elevated. It never ceases to amaze me that the ghosts from my past can still influence how I see things in the present day. By the time The Hubby came home I was in full fledge anger. True to form, he didn't want whatever was bothering me to last all day, and he prompted a discussion to figure out what had gone so horribly wrong in the short time he had been gone.

Needless to say the discussion was taking place in the kitchen which is at the center of our home. As with some arguments, the level was rising as we tried to get to the bottom of the problem. But what was interesting was the response of our son. My son entered the room first, followed by our daughter. This is pretty true to form, wherever he goes, she is not far behind. Even though I was the one loudly expressing my feelings, our son went straight to me, stood beside me and touched my arm. "What's happening? You guys don't fight. You're always so unified." Yes... he said unified LOL! By this time, this arguement needed a break and a change of perspective. It was a great opportunity to talk to our kids about the realities of marriage.

They may never see us fight, but we do have disagreements from time to time. We spent a lot of time in discussion before we got engaged about various things that could potentially trip up a marriage to make sure we were on the same page. We truly believe that this is one of the main reasons we hardly argue. We do see almost all things eye to eye.

After some time, they understood that just because we were arguing didn't mean we were getting a divorce like some of their friends parents had. This was our way of avoiding that, by talking out our issues rather than letting them build up. But another interesting point from this whole scenario was that our son had come to me even though I was the one being loud with The Hubby. Even though I was the aggressor when he walked in the room, he still came to my defense. If not verbally, than physically. He was literally standing between The Hubby and I as if to protect me from an unpleasant situation.

We talked about that little dynamic after the kids left the room. He puffed out his chest and stated that he would not have it any other way. He is proud of our son for the protection he shows the women in his life. I love to see how words said in passing can stick with these little brains and manifest themselves into very noticeable actions that can make a big impact. We've talked to our son on more than one occasion about his role in the protection of his little sister. But to see him convey that to me was something new.

My little buddy is growing up and understanding so much more than I give him credit for. I think this is just another wake up call for me that I am entering the phase of "less instruction", not "no instruction". He still needs direction at this tender age. I need to watch more, speak less but be continually present and available for those times when I am needed.

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